Words of Advice..

On January 25th, I posted this:

"I have a feeling it will be emotional for quite some time. But that's ok. This whole experience has renewed my faith in man and God. The cup was nearly empty on both counts...

'Tis now full.

God bless.

oxoxoxox
"

I think that held true for about a week or so. Really, it held longer, just my faith in doctors waned. I think the rest fell through long about April 16th.

As anyone who has read this journal for about the past year and a half or so knows, one thing true about me is that I'm emotional. While I wish I could live by some Dr. Phil knowledge like, "Yesterday is in the past and done, you can't change it. Tomorrow hasn't happened yet. The only thing you can deal with and do something about is today", I'm just not wired that way. My general first reaction to crisis is to wig out. I generally cry--followed by anger and more crying. I can be talked down out of the tree as it were by my sister or parents most of the time, but the worse case scenario always lingers there in the back of my mind. My mom told me today that you have to be thankful for the things you have and have faith that the Lord will provide. Patti Labelle told me today that (in a song that is) that no door closes without another one opening. I wish I had their optimism. Truth is, I am the eternal pessimist. I always think about the bad things that might happen, I just operate that way. Add on to that that I'm so------frail. Frail in that I'm emotionally on the edge just about all the time. I'm wound up tight, like someone could press my skin and a bruise would come up automatically and I would burst in to tears, but I'm trying to keep my head up. I'm trying to keep positive about all this and I want to think that all this happened because God knew I just couldn't take anymore from Mark and that job and that I was emotionally just spent.

Today, my mom and I went to the Unemployment Security office to talk to them about what happened yesterday. I was told that I was misinformed in so much as yes, you can take a temp job and recertify after the project has ended to get back on unemployment. Great news----now. Later, we called the unemployment line--help line--and I explained what happened to me. Employers are not required to let unemployment know that you have turned down a job, but I got the impression from what she did say that placement agencies are in a league all their own. Here, this is what I learned:

1. Temp/Placement agencies are to be avoided at all costs. When you agree to let them try and secure work for you, you are in essence, going to work for them. Because you are "working" for them, they can do exactly what the woman said she was going to do--turn you in. Apparently, they have numerous problems with these agencies and it is not at all uncommon for them to do things just like this. They think they have you over a barrel basically and that out of fear you will say, "Yes yes, let me have the job" because losing your unemployment can be devastating.

2. They are not required by law to alert the proper authorities and I think most companies do not--temp agencies again being another animal altogether.

3. You do have the right (at least in Tennessee) to turn down any job that you want, just hope no one finds out if the job is comparable to what you did have.

4. Very important here: DO NOT TELL PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYERS THAT YOU ARE DRAWING UNEMPLOYMENT. IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS AND SECONDLY, THEY CAN ALERT UNEMPLOYMENT SHOULD THEY GET A BURR UP THEIR ASS IN REGARDS TO YOU.

5. What can happen now is one of two things: A. She does nothing, which is what the majority of those involved believe--that this is a scare tactic (it worked!!!) by her to get me to call her and take the job. B. She can alert unemployment, they will suspend my benefits and call me about it. The agency and I will have to submit in writing what has happened and a referee of sorts will look at all the data and make a decision. I either continue my unemployment or I lose it--and have to pay back any that was paid to me since I turned the job down.

I'm trying to stay calm, I'm trying not to worry and I'm trying not to do anything rash out of fear. For instance, I thought about Exxon that is highering down the street and whether or not I could work there. I interviewed for a job today that pays three dollars less an hour than what I was making AND has no benefits. I would normally not consider the job, but fear says to take it regardless.

I guess now...we wait.